Ah, the Joys of Summer Camp
by DJ Julian
Summary: The cast of Yu-Gi-Oh goes to summer camp, and general havoc ensues. R for harsh and persistent language and strangness. Pokes fun at EVERYTHING, so bring your weirdest sense of humor.
1. But Where is the Rod?

Hellooo, I'm Shukkit, a really bored 7th grader. The voices in my head would like to let you know that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. Kazuki Takahashi does. DAMN! Oh yeah, I've made all the characters 15 years old, even if they aren't. Just cuz.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yugi was exited about going to summer camp with Hiroto, Jounuchi, and yes, even Ryou. They boarded the bus, and Yugi sat with Ryou in the 3rd seat from the back. Hiroto and Jounuchi sat across from them.

The camp counselor stood at the front of the bus, droning out rules.

"This will be a twenty hour bus ride-"

Jounuchi and Hiroto were mortified.

"-there will be no eating on the bus-"

Jounuchi and Hiroto looked like they were about to cry.

"-And we will stop every four hours for bathroom breaks. You may talk with your friends, read, listen to music, or sleep. Does everyone understand?"

There was a dull mix of 'yes', 'yea', 'sure', and 'fine'. Someone yelled 'fuck you'.

Yugi had started a conversation with Ryou and Hiroto about what they had done over the summer so far. Jonu was still trying to get over the fact that he would have to go twenty hours without food.

"I went to a gaming camp earlier this summer", Yugi said.

"Twenty hours..."

"Um, that's nice, I suppose...". Ryou was falling asleep, and about to fall off the chair. Hiroto made sure that Ryou was asleep, then leaned over to him and said, "Hey, Yugi...Did you bring a bar of soap?".

Yugi looked confused. Well, more confused than usual, anyways...

"Uh, yeah. Why, do I smell? Or did you forget to bring yours?"

"...Without food..." Jonu's eyes started to glaze over. "I need nourishment...Like Twinkies 'n' coke 'n'.....other good stuff!" Jonu was trying to keep drool from coming out of his mouth. 

Hiroto pretended not to know him. "Ah, like I was saying, I need a bar of soap because I want to stick it in Ryou's mouth. Have you ever noticed that he sleeps with his mouth wide open? I've always been so tempted to put something in there!". 

"No, you cannot have my bar of soap to stick in Ryou's mouth, that's mean!"

"Mwau-ha, little Yugi-boy, I have brought an extra bar of soap, but it will come at the cost of your Milleni-"

"Shut up, you stupid control freak! Or I will eliminate you with my Blue Eyes!"

Hiroto and Jounuchi turned around to find that Malik Ishtal and Seto Kaiba were sitting behind them!

"Hey, it's that funky dude that possessed me, that Malik guy!", exclaimed Jonu. "I'm gonna get you for that....Someday...."

"I AM NOT A FUNKY DUDE I AM MALIK ISHTAL LEADER OF THE RARE HUNTERS HOLDER OF THE MIL-"

Seto Kaiba rolled his eyes and said, "No. One. Cares." and placed a hand over Malik's mouth. "How did I get stuck on a bus ride with _him? _Or any of you, for that matter?", asked Seto Kaiba.

Ryou finally fell off the seat, to the great amusement of Malik, Jonu, and Hiroto, and Seto. He woke up, looked around, and asked how long they had been in the bus.

Seto looked at his fancy, 1,000$ watch. "Oh, about an hour or so."

"How many more hours until the bus stops?"

Yugi calculated four minus one on his left hand. "Uhhh, it's...Three more hours. I think...."

Ryou gulped. "I have to use the bathroom."

Hiroto supressed a snicker. "How bad, man?" he asked.

"Um, very... very badly".

Jonu glanced sympatheticly at Yugi and said, "Hey man, we can probably squeeze three people in on this seat. Hiroto, move over, dammit!"

Malik grinned and started singing"

_"When I was a wee wee tot, they took me off my wee wee cot _

and put me on my wee-wee pot to see if I could wee or not!" 

"I would join you, but I have more dignity than that. But you keep singing.", chuckled Seto. Malik grinned. "No, no, no. Join me in singing or I will take over your mind with my Millenium Rod here in my backpack! ...Wh-where is it? WHERE DID MY ROD GOOOO????"


	2. Destination: Hell

Shukkit: Ooooh, finished the first chapter!

Hideaki: Pfft, only took you, what? three weeks?

Shukkit: Shut up and go away! Or I'll get Izumi to break your other arm!

Hideaki: Chill, I'm splittin'. No need to set Izumi-kun on me...

Shukkit: Sorry, Hideaki and Izumi will enter later. I ate a lot of marshmellows and I'm sugarhigh, so this chapter might be creepy. Sorry.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 18 1/2 hours later... (4:30 am)

The bus had stopped for the night. Hiroto and Jonu had fallen asleep on the floor...Well, not quite on the floor. They had fallen asleep on top of Ryou. And they were snoring loudly. Yugi and Seto were each sleeping in different seats. 

And Malik was huddled in the fetal position, sucking his thumb and thinking to himself, _"How could this have happened? Where is my Rod? I need it, I hold it close to me at night when I sleep. I must get it back!... As soon as I figure out where it is., dammit..."_

His thoughts were interupted by voices coming from outside. A girl with red, shoulder-length hair was talking to a camp director.

"Hey, come on. I wanna talk to my brother! He's in that bus right there!" The redhead pointed to a bus 20 feet away, the one Malik was huddled in.

The camp director squinted and asked, "Are you that girl whos brother told us was in anger management for a few months?"

"Uh...Yea....So?"

The director smiled. "Let's go back to the bus now, shall we, honey?". She patted the girl on the back. The girl walked back to her bus, kicked it, and got in, muttering things authority usually doesn't like to hear.... All Malik caught was "mo' fo's, I swear 'm gonna blow your sorry asses off..."

Malik smiled, happy to know he wasn't the only one with problems. And besides, he hadn't known this camp was also a girls camp. He settled of to sleep. All this time, he had STILL been in the fetal position. What's up with that?

4 hours later (9:00 am)

Yugi woke up, leaning agaisnt the window. He looked out and smiled. They had reached the camp!!! "Wow", he said to himself. "It's beautiful here!". A bird came by and pooped on the window. "So, it looks nice, then?"

Yugi almost fell out of his chair. He heard Ryou's voice, but he didn't see Ryou.

"Down here, Yugi! On the floor!", said Ryou. He sounded like he couldn't breathe.

Yugi frowned and asked, "What are Honda and Jonu doing sitting on you like that?"

"I think they're sleeping. Either that or they think I'm a girl..." Ryou sneezed. "Could you get Seto or Malik to help roll them off of me?"

Yugi walked around the deranged dogpile and tapped Seto on the shoulder. He opened one eye and snarled, "What is it, Mohto? Miss your Grandpa?"

"Yes, but that's not the point", Yugi said. "Jonu and Hiroto are sleeping on top of Ryou. Can you help me get them off?"

"Nope, sorry. But it looks like we're at the camp. See you...Well, actually, I hope I won't be seeing you...". Seto laughed. He picked up his suitcases and walked out of the bus. 

Jonu rolled off of Ryou, who seized his chance and jumped up. He poked Jonu and Hiroto, and they woke up. Hiroto got up, stretched, got his bags and left the bus. Jonu soon followed him.

Yugi turned around and looked at Malik, who was still sleeping. "Hey, Ryou...Do you think we should wake Malik up?" asked Yugi. Ryou sighed and said, "I suppose we have to... Malik, wake up...Please?"

Malik glared at both of them and walked out of the bus. Then he walked back in, muttering something about forgetting his luggage. Yugi and Ryou collected their stuff and walked into the camp. They saw Anzu, Shizuka, Mai, Isis, and some redhead girl who was walking quickly, like she wanted to get away from Anzu. _"Why would anyone not like Anzu?" _, Yugi thought to himself. _"Everyone likes Anzu, right?"_

"'Scuse me, d' ya think I could get by?". A boy with the same shade of hair was standing behind him. His hair was sticking up in all directions and his left arm was in a sling. 

Ryou quickly move to one side. "Sorry about that. Do you mind me asking what happened to your arm?", he asked.

The boy rolled his eyes and said, "Yes, in fact. I do." and walked off. 

Yugi looked around. "Say, where do you think Jonu and Hiroto went?"

A man in a green shirt went around handing out slips of paper to everyone telling them what cabin they where in. Yugi and Ryou managed to hunt down Hiroto and Jonu. They had been trying to figure out where the girls cabins were. "Sweet!", exclaimed Jonu. "We're all in the same cabin, #9! ...But... Where is it?". Hiroto saw Malik and grabbed his shirt. "Hey, man. Where's #9?"

Malik let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, that's what I'M trying to figure out right know."

"Whazzat supposed to mean?" asked Jonu.

"I'm in cabin 9, fool. What's it to you?"


	3. Living Arrangements

Shukkit: Soooo...Whadija think of the 2nd chapter? It didn't take me as long to write.

Hideaki: IT SUCKED.

Shukkit: Well then, I'll just have you go swimming in this place where I caught some nice, big carp once...

Hideaki: *Shudders* I'm so sorry...I'll just sit here and observe....Quietly...

Shukkit: I would just like you to know that when I refer to Malik, I mean Yami Malik, the guy who likes killing people. I'm just too lazy to write "Yami Malik". But I just did...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Jonu's eyes bugged. There was no way in HELL that Malik could be in their cabin! Jonu looked over at Malik's piece of paper. He shrugged. "Well, ya know, it could always be #6, and you're just holding it upside-down. It's possible, since you ARE sort of a moron..."

Malik forced a smile while thinking of all the ways that he could torture and kill Jonouchi. "Hey, let's just find the cabin, alright?", suggested Ryou.

-1 HOUR LATER-

A log cabin with a large, white #9 on it loomed into view. Ryou clapped his hands together in delight. "Oh wow!", he exclaimed. "We found the cabin!"

Malik rolled his eyes. "Yes, it only took us an hour, and we're right back where we started. Good job, miss.", he remarked snidely.

"Yea, but we found the cabin", Jonu pointed out. He grinned as he saw a look of disgust spread over Malik's face.

Yugi started to walk inside, but Malik shoved him out of the way. He spat and walked in quickly.

Yugi, Jonu, Ryou, and Hiroto poked their heads inside. They saw three bunks... And Seto Kaiba was sitting on top of one. "Hey, Kaiba.", Hiroto shouted. "What are you doing in OUR cabin?"

"The question is not what am I doing in your cabin, but what are you doing in mine, incompetent fools?", said Kaiba with an icy stare. Everyone gaped. Finally, Yugi put two and two together. "Hey, if this is your cabin, and this is also our cabin, that means we're all in the same cabin!!!". He thought for a moment, then added, "I am so proud of myself for figuring that out!". Kaiba rolled his eyes. Malik snickered. Jonu, Ryou, and Hiroto sweatdropped.

Ryou was determined to break the tension. "I've never been camping before. Does anyone know what we're supposed to do now that we've found the cabin?"

"Oooooh, I know!!! Let's go spy on girls taking showers! That is sooo damn fun!!", Jonu yelled.

Malik thwacked Jonu on the head. "We determine where everyone is going to sleep, bakayuro. We are not going to go spy on naked girls now. We'll save that for tomorrow."

Kaiba climbed down from the top bunk he was on. "I vote all of you sleep outside. I need my space."

"Whatever you say man, but I'm sleeping up here.", said Jonu. He pointed to one of the top bunks and climbed into it. 

Yugi said, "I want a top bunk, too! Just like Jonu!". Jonu grinned and said, "See, I'm da man. Yugi thinks I'm da man, yo."

"Are you sure about having a top bunk, Yugi?", asked Hiroto. "I don't think you'd be able to get up the ladder. Why don't you sleep under Jonu's bunk?"

Yugi thought for a moment, then agreed. Malik went over to the bottom bunk that didn't have Kaiba above it and said, "This is where I'll sleep."

"No, dammit! Neither Hiroto nor I want you sleeping under us! Sleep on the other bottom bunk!", Ryou shouted. He thought to himself, "_Wow, that was really bold of me... I should apologise to Malik, I wasn't brought up to shout like that..._" . He looked up and saw that everyone was staring at him. Malik was turning red. Jonu was trying to keep a straight face as he said, "You do know that you just said that out loud, right?". Ryou turned the funny pinkish color of barf with tomatoes in it.

After the akward silence passed, Hiroto went over to Ryou and said, "So I guess we're in the same bunk, huh? Can I sleep on the top?"

Ryou stared at his feet. "I'd like to sleep on the top bunk if that's alright...", he muttered.

"Aw, come on. Let me sleep on the top!"

Ryou's Sennen Ring glowed as his Yami took over. "You WILL give me the top bunk!", Yami no Bakura snarled. "Or I shall whisk your pathetic worthless soul off to the Shadow Realm!"

"Yea...ok... You sleep on the top bunk, then...", Hiroto said timidly.

"Thank you."

Kaiba shook his head and laughed. "Yugi, you have the strangest friends. A puppy dog, his crony, and a schizophrenic. This is going to be one hell of a summer!" 


	4. Ryou the Angsty

Shukkit: Like I said, I'm real sorry bout the delay.

Hideaki: She's got tons of excuses.

Shukkit: I prefer the word "explanations"...

Hideaki: Whatever. When do I come into the story?

Shukkit: Either this chapter, the chapter after it, or the chapter after that.

Hideaki: If you keep finishing at this rate, I'll be dead by the time you hit chapter 6.

Shukkit: ... ... ... Oh, Izu-chaaan!!!

Hideaki: Bye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ryou frowned at Seto. "I am not schizophrenic!", he said. "What's that, Yami? You say that I am? That's not true!!!". Yugi and Malik sweatdropped.

Jonu's stomach grumbled. In fact, it didn't just grumble, it sang "La Cucaracha". Hey, I should send that to America's Funniest Videos!", he said.

"You're Japanese, not American, dipshit.", sneered Malik.

"Fine, we'll send in into JAPAN'S funniest videos. HA! ...I'm hungry."

Seto checked his nice, 1,000$ watch. "It's 4:39 and 23 seconds. Dinner is probably in about two hours"

"That's a really neat watch, Kaiba!", said the awe-struck midget otherwise known as Yugi.

"It's 25.864843 degrees Celcius, and I just got an e-mail from Mokuba telling me that he misses me and wants me to come back home."

Hiroto rolled his eyes and said, "Alright, now you're just showing off, dammit.". Kaiba smiled. Ryou looked around. "Why don't we all get to know each other better? We could play I Never or something!", he suggested. Everyone stared at him. 

Jonu thought for a bit and said, "Shizuka plays that game at sleepovers with her friends."

Malik snickered. "I've always had my suspicions about you, Ryou."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Well, I've always kind of thought you were a bit... Feminine. But that statement proved it."

"What? Proved what?", asked Yugi.

"That Ryou is completely homosexual and there is not a shred of testosterone in him!", concluded Malik happily.

Ryou started crying. "None of you -HIC- like me!!!", he said.

"Correct, because we, unlike you, are straight!", Seto agreed. "And it is now 6:57 and 36 seconds. I'm going to go eat dinner. The rest of you can stay here and discuss Ryou's sexual preferences if you like.". Seto walked out the door. He was shortly followed by Malik. Honda and Jonu got up to leave, but they were stopped by Yugi. "We need to see if Ryou's okay. Then we can go to dinner.". Honda and Jonu rapidly muttered an extreme amount of inappropriate words (Actually, I suppose I could tell you what they said. But I'm lazy). 

Yugi went over to Ryou and tried to persuade him to come to dinner. "C'mon, Ryou. Let's go. There will be food. Good food! Tea!! Yes, tea. You like tea, don't you?", he asked. Ryou nodded. "I'll come in a minute. You guys go on. I just need to... You know..."

"Awright, you heard the guy, let's go!", said Jonu. So Honda, Jonu, and Yugi left Ryou brooding on his bunk and went to dinner.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, Yugi saw Anzu sitting with Shizuka, Mai, and Isis. The red-haired boy who Yugi and Ryou had bumped into earlier was sitting at the isolation table, listening to a CD player. Yugi sat down between Anzu and Shizuka. Honda and Jonu went off to look for and empty table. 

"So, Yugi.", said Anzu. "Are you having fun?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shukkit: See, Hide-kun? You were in this chapter after all!

Hideaki: *turns up volume on CD player* I hate you.

Shukkit: It seems that guys can have PMS, too. So, everyone... Whadja think? No delays on this chappie, nuh-uh! Sorry, I'm sugar-high. 


	5. Redheads and Teflon pots

Shukkit: My internet's down, I can't find my CD player, and my GBA's batteries are dead. Therefore I'm stuck doing this. AGAIN.

Hideaki: ... ... ...Uhhhmmm...No comment.

Shukkit: Whatever. Anyways, Galia, I swear the French will happen, but I'm just writing this as I go along... Bear with it...

Hideaki: *suspicious glare* WHAT FRENCH? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Um, I wouldn't call it 'fun', exactly", Yugi muttered. Anzu cast him a curious look and opened her mouth to respond, but a girl came up behind her and hit her on the head. Anzu winced and turned around. "Izumi...I don't believe this...", she said under her breath.

Izumi folded her arms and snapped, "Gimme the keys to the cabin! Preferably while I'm still 15!" 

"Your cabin has keys?", Yugi asked Anzu. "There goes Jonu's plan...", he thought.

Izumi hit Anzu again and said, "I have matches. If you don't give me the keys I will light your prissy ass on fire."

"It's not nice to swear!!", Anzu gasped.

"I just issued a death threat that I am tempted to follow through on, and you reprimand me for-what?"

The boy from the Isolation table turned off his CD player, got up and tapped Izumi on the shoulder. "Izumi-chan", he said. "We know you're pyromanic. Go outside."

Izumi tried to punch him, but the boy blocked. They started a stare-off.

Yugi noticed that they both were close to the same height and had red hair. "Wow...Are you two related?", Yugi asked. They both turned to stare at him. 

"No way in hell!", shouted Izumi.

"What kind of an idiot are you?", growled the boy.

Izumi stalked out of the hall, seething, and muttering assorted rude things. The red haired boy returned to his table, also seething and muttering assorted rude things. 

Anzu picked up her food tray and gave Yugi a look that said, "That was interesting..."

Yugi quickly finished off his hamburger and followed her. 

Jonu and Hiroto saw Yugi and Anzu walking together. "They're on a daa-aaate, They're on a daa-aaate!", sang the two... Uh, delinquents.

9:00 PM- CABIN #9...

Yugi, Seto, Jonu, Hiroto, and Ryou were getting ready to go to sleep. Yugi was wearing pink turtle pajamas. Jonu and Hiroto were lying on top of their beds in nothing but boxers. Ryou had gone to change in the bathroom, and Seto planned to sleep in the same outfit he had worn all day. He was too modest to change in front of everyone and too proud to go admit it. Yugi looked around and noticed that one bed was empty. "Hey... You guys... Where's Malik?", he asked.

Hiroto and Jonu dived under the covers in order to suppress their insane giggling. 

"Not that I actually CARE about that slimeball or anything", muttered Seto. "But what did do to him?"

Before they got a chance to answer, Ryou walked in, wearing pajamas that had the British flag printed all over them, and said, "Um, Malik is hanging from the camp flagpole, and he isn't very happy. Someone should go get him down. G'night.". Ryou hopped in his bunk and started emitting amazingly fake snores. 

"Ryou's right, someone should go down there and help him", Yugi said.

"Nah, he'll be fine."

"Okay then. Goodnight"

2:00 AM- CAMP HQ...

Malik had finally managed to get himself off the flagpole. "Someday", he muttered evily. "Someday I will torture them, kill them, and hang their remains from my kitchen ceiling, along with my Teflon kitchenware!"

He did the Malik-trademarked cackle that you hear at the end of episodes when he's plotting something. Ph33r.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hideaki: That was a LAME end of chapter, and I speak on behalf of all readers!

Shukkit: *cough* *cough* Krrrhekkk-ek-ek-ek!

Hideaki: I love when she's got laryngitis and asthma at the same time!

Shukkit: *hack* *hack* *sneeze* *cough* *throttles Hideaki*


	6. The Carp are Coming

Izumi: Hey, everyone!!

Hideaki: Aaah!! 

Izumi: *glaaare* Anyways, our Dear Author Whom We Love So Much is not in a good mood. Hideaki: Where is she, anyways?

*blood flies out of bathroom*

Hideaki: Urk.

Izumi: She apologizes for the ending of chap. 5. We know it sucked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seto awoke and checked his nice, expensive watch. "S-six o'clock in the morning?", he muttered. 

Ryou came and bounced on his bunk. "Hiiii Seto-kun!", he yelled insanely. Right in 'Seto-kun's' ear...

"Awakey-wakey-wakey good morning time!!!"

Jonu crawled up to Seto's bunk and dragged Ryou down. "S'ry bou' dat...", moaned Jonu. "He foun' mah stash of sugar that I brough' wif me...". He sounded like he just woke up.

"Wakey-wakey morningmorningmorning teati-"

Ryou's sugar-fueled tyrade was interrupted by Malik's fist hitting his head. "Six o' clock in morning TOO EARLY for happy.", he snarled, omitting all words that he felt nonimportant.

Jonu pointed to Yugi and Hiroto's bunk. "Hey... Whure'd they go?"

"I. Don't. Care.", snapped Malik.

[Author's Note: They're trying to make me bathe and eat. NEVAH!!! NEVAH, I SAY!!!]

"You don't care? Or you don't know?"

Malik resisted the urge to go on another killing spree.

Yugi and Hiroto entered the cabin, shortly followed by the red-haired boy from last nights dinner... 'Incident'. He was carrying all his luggage. Jonu stared at him. "Who's this, why is he here, and what's in it for us?", he asked.

"He's being switched to our cabin...", Hiroto explained. "His name's Hideaki."

"Hi, Hideaki!"

"Welcome to our cabin..."

"... ... ..."

"I hate you."

"HELLOHELLOHELLOHIIII!!!!"

Hideaki arched an eyebrow. He turned to Yugi and said, "You have fucked up friends."

Yugi flinched at the dreaded 'f word', but managed to recover. "Weren't you in the isolation cabin?", he asked.

"Yup... The counselors thought I yelled fuck you on the bus.", said Hideaki.

"Well, I'm glad you cleared your name!"

Hiroto and Jonu snickered. "He did yell fuck you...We heard him.", Jonu quietly told Malik.

Seto pointed to Hideaki's arm. "What happened to you?"

[Authors Note: Well, they made me bathe and eat...]

"N-nothing... Let's go to breakfast."

FIVE HOURS AFTER BREAKFAST, DOWN AT THE CAMP LAKE...

Seto, Jonu, Yugi, Ryou and Hiroto planned to go swimming. Malik (for some odd reason) refused. Hideaki sat near the lake, dipping his toes in the water. 

"Awk! Q-quit splashing me, midget!", yelled Seto.

Ryou bounced around on top of the water. Apparently thirteen bottles of syrup does not help someone who is sugarhigh.

Hideaki suddenly pulled his feet out of the water and curled up into a red-haired ball. Malik looked over at him and asked, "What is it?"

"C-c-c-carp-p-p...", shivered Hideaki. "I d-d-don't lik-k-ke c-c-carp..."

Said carp jumped out of the water and landed in Hideaki's spikey hair. He promptly sprung up and started running all over the place. "Eyyyyaaaahhh!!! C-c-carp!!!"

Yugi, Seto, Ryou, Hiroto, and Jonu stopped splashing to watch the interesting scene.

"Aiiii!!! Begone, evil carp!!!", screamed Hideaki. He ran towards Malik.

Malik waved his hands frantically. "No! Don't come towards me!". 

Too late. Hideaki knocked Malik into a restricted part of the lake that lead to a river. The current was extremely fast, and the water was sixteen feet deep.

"Help me!", Malik yelled. "I can't swim!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Izumi: Oooh, cliffhanger...

Hideaki: GETTHEDAMNCARPOFFME!

Shukkit: Hey. I'm back. 

Hideaki: *carp disappears* How did that happen?

Shukkit: I'm the author, 'member?

Hideaki: ... ...So you broke my arm?

Izumi: Nope. That was me.


	7. Hormones are Bad for You

Shukkit:_"The soul sheds light, and death is its shadow. When the light dims, life and death embrace."_

Izumi: *eyeroll* Put the Magic cards away. Only weirdo creepy males are into that. Besides, it's Duel Monsters rival!

Hideaki: Oooh, that's Nantuko Husk, right? Wanna trade for a Morgue Toad?

Shukkit: No. Already have one. I wouldn't exactly call it helpful in a zombie deck. Boo.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Help me! I don't know how to swim!". The current pulled Malik downstream at a rapid rate. He was doing a frantic sort of dog paddle to keep from sinking. Which wasn't really working...

Hideaki started running along the bank to make sure he could see Malik. Seto, Jonu, Hiroto, Yugi and Ryou quickly got out of the water and followed. 

"You guys! Hurry!", yelled Hideaki. "I've got a hold on his shirt, but he's not concious!"

Hiroto reached Hideaki first and helped him pull Malik out of the water. Hiroto prodded Malik's chest. "Um, I think he's breathing...", he guessed.

Jonu, Seto, and Ryou caught up with Hiroto and Hideaki. Yugi was still running because his legs were so short. Seto folded his arms and said, "Well... Someone needs to give him CPR. I say Hideaki."

"Gyah! Wha- why me?"

"You knocked him into the water", Jonu explained. Hideaki blinked and said, "I dunno how!"

Ryou kneeled down and asked, "Does anyone here know how to give CPR besides me?"

Silence.

"Umm... Okay then... I guess I'll give him CPR...", Ryou said hesitantly. He pinched Malik's nose and breathed into his mouth. 

[Author's Note: I'm sorry, I've never actually seen someone do CPR... But... Still...]

Malik slowly returned to conciousness, however he couldn't see his surroundings quite clearly... "Wha...?", he thought. "There's a... A woman... Kissing me? And... She's so sexy..." He started to return the "woman's" kiss, but then he opened his eyes. A very confused and violated Ryou was staring at him. 

Malik jumped up and yelled, "HOLY FUCK!!! YOU FRENCHED ME, YA FUCKIN' FAG! OH MY GOD!"

Yugi tried to console Ryou. Seto was covering his eyes. Hideaki, Jonu, and Hiroto snuck back to the cabin where they could giggle insanely and rehash without anyone telling them that they were insensitive. 

"Oh my GOD!!! I got KISSED by a FAGGOT!!!", Malik screeched. 

Seto (who hadn't removed his hand) said to both Ryou and Malik, "Well, at least it wasn't your first kiss, right? So it doesn't count."

Ryou's lip quivered. "B-but... It was my first kiss...", he wailed quietly. 

Seto turned to Malik. "F-fuck...M...Mine too...", Malik admitted.

Seto and Yugi both turned red to keep from laughing. "Well... Let's... Ah, go back to the...Heh... Cabin then, shall we?", suggested Yugi. Ryou nodded. 

Jonu, Hiroto, and Hideaki immediately stopped laughing as their four cabin mates, two of them very red, entered cabin #9. There was an audible sound of Hiroto's rib cracking as he kept from laughing. Malik stomped over to his bunk and flopped onto it. "I'm skipping lunch...", he moaned into his sleeping bag. 

Ryou climbed onto his bunk and assumed the fetal position. "Me too.", he cried. Hideaki grimaced and said, "You know, I don't want to offend either of you, honestly, I don't, but..." he trailed off and suddenly became fascinated with the cast on his arm. Jonu took a deep breath and continued for Hideaki. "What he means is... Um... Maybe it's not really safe to leave you two in here alone..."

Not the right thing to say...

SAME TIME, IN CABIN #23...

Anzu's and friends were getting ready to go to lunch when they heard something explode. "What was that?", Shizuka asked, frightened. 

Anzu looked panicky. "It sounded like it came from Yugi's cabin! We have to go see!"

Isis closed her eyes and said, "I think it would be best if we just went to lunch". 

"The weirdo Pakistani lady's right", agreed Izumi.

"I'M EGYPTIAN, NOT PAKISTANI!"

"Whatever, bitch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shukkit: On second thought... Gimme that Morgue Toad, we'll see if we can get Malik to have s-

Izumi: Keep the fic PG-13, please.

Hideaki: *Audible sound of rib cage cracking*

Shukkit and Izumi: *Audible sound of brain exploding*


	8. The Sad Effects of Ritalin

Hideaki: ... Cuz I was high when I wrote this, so suck my di-

Izumi: Give Shukkit her Eminem CD. At least SHE has the decency not to sing those disgusting songs...

Shukkit: So you can suck my dick if you don't like my shit. Cuz I was high when I wrote this, so suck my dick... Somehow, it only works when guys sing that...

Izumi: *dwik* Guuuuh. YUCKY!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hideaki, Jonu, Yugi, Hiroto, and Seto entered cabin #9 after dinner, very relieved to find that both remaining cabin mates were asleep. 

"So," Jonu started. "Do you think that kiss was actually an accident?"

Seto opened his mouth to say something, but Malik let out a snore so loud it was impossible for anyone to believe it was real.

"Well then... Goodnight...", said a very perturbed Seto.

Yugi pointed to the six beds. "Where's Hideaki gonna sleep? There aren't enough beds."

"That's okay, I'll sleep on the floor. I like floors."

"No, I'll sleep on the floor, you can take my bunk.", Yugi insisted, shaking his head.

"Naaaw. Floors are cool. Beds suck, man." Hideaki grinned.

"C'mon, really. It's okay!"

"I am sleeping. On the fuckin'. Floor."

Yugi nodded, and everyone started getting ready for bed. Seto stared at Hideaki and asked, "Don't you wear pajamas?", for he was sitting on the floor, rummaging through his black and purple duffel bag, looking for his CD player. He looked up and replied, "Pajamas? Pajamas-"

Hiroto held up a hand and said, "Wait. Let me guess: you think pj's suck too." Hideaki nodded as he tried to stick headphones over his ears with one hand.

CABIN #9, 5:00 AM...

Jonu woke up to find a face looming over him. "AAaaAAaaHH!", he screeched.

The looming face of doom covered its ears. "For Chrissakes, dude, shut up. It's me, Hideaki." Jonu blinked a few times and muttered, "Why are you... Here.... Instead of, like... Over there?" His voice was thick from sleepiness. "I hover.", Hideaki explained. "It's what I do when I have insomnia. I have insomnia every night because of my Ritalin." He nodded.

Hiroto pushed him away and muttered, "G'way. Come back in three hours."

9:30 AM...

_"See, it all makes sense, doesn't it?_

You and your husband have a fight

One of you tries to grab a knife,

and in the struggle, he accidentally gets his adam's apple sliced!

And while this is going on, your son wakes up and he walks in.

You panic and he gets his throat cut and now they're both dead

and you slash your own throat, so now it's double homicide

and suicide- with no note."

Yugi heard Hideaki humming to a song that was blaring from his CD player. His eyes were open wide as if he was staring at something that only he could see.

"Nice song, isn't it?", Seto snapped. "He's had it the CD repeat for two hours."

Yugi looked around and asked, "Where's everyone else?"

"Four people from each cabin had to go up to the office. You were asleep, I refused, and no one can get through to Hideaki because he overdosed on Ritalin."

"_When I was just a little baby boy my momma used tell me these crazy things;_

she used to tell me my daddy was an evil man; she used to tell me he hated me.

Then I got a little bit older and I realized she was the crazy one.

There was nothing I could do or say to try and change it; that's just the way she was."

Yugi quirked his eyebrows. "Oh my."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shukkit: Ah, the angst.


	9. Is That Your Ex?

Shukkit: SHIT! I wrote Hiroto's name instead of Jonu's in the last chappie... Shit. Shit. *worry*

Hideaki: Maybe you need the Ritalin more than me...

Shukkit: *worry* *worry* I can't write at this time... I need music to write. And I can't find my cd's... 

*two hours later*

Shukkit: I'm having a shitty day. *sleep*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN HOUR OR SO LATER....

Hiroto, Jonu, Malik, and Ryou reentered (?) the cabin, looking glum. 

"What's wrong" Seto asked, not really wanting to know. Ryou banged his head on the wall. "We have to give a presentation on the last day of camp. Oral. Telling about what we learned here. In front of people. People."

A look of horror came over Yugi and Seto's face. Hideaki looked up from his corner and said, "D... Did the batteries... In my CD player just... Die?"

Malik looked like he would dearly like to hurt him. Jonu attempted to glare, which didn't work too well... (A/N: Karu-glare! Sorry...)

Seto thought for a moment. "Actually," he mused. "The batteries died ten minutes ago."

Hiroto kneeled down in front of Hideaki and, very loudly and slowly, said, "HIDEAKI. WHAT. HAVE. YOOOU. LEARNED. AT CAAAAMP?"

"Let's go eat breakfast. If Hideaki gets hungry, or normal, he'll come," Jonu suggested. Much to his surprise, everyone (including Malik and Seto) agreed.

FEW MORE HOURS LATER... (YEESH).

Hideaki came bounding down to the lake where his cabinmates were having lunch. It also happened to be the same lake where the carp fiasco occured yesterday, so Malik could be found in a nearby tree, convulsing.

"Heeeey!" yelled Hideaki. "How ya doin'?" His voice was normally low and quiet, but now it was chirpy and loud. (A/N: Gilson-kun! Sorry...)

Ryou looked up from his fishing and arched an eyebrow. Malik temporarily stopped convulsing to stare at him. Jonu and Hiroto turned blue from trying not to laugh.

"We're glad your back to... Uh... Normal," Yugi said. "By the way, Anzu and her friends should be here anytime now. They're really nice!" Seto rolled his eyes. "They're here. I see them."

Anzu, Shizuka, Mai, Isis, and Izumi were coming over the hill with a picnic basket, though god only knows where it came from.

Jonu saw Hideaki staring at Izumi with what could only be sheer terror. "Who's she? Your ex?"

Hideaki sighed and turned to him, looking very unpleased. "I don't know about you, Jounuchi," he hissed. "But I'm not much for incest." Jonu looked alarmed. 

"If she's anything like you-"

"She's **_nothing_** like me. I have jack shit in common with her, pardoning DNA."

Hideaki started looking for a place to hide, but Izumi had already seen him. 

"Heeeey! Little brother, darling. How are you?" Izumi asked in a disgustingly fake voice.

Hideaki sneered and walked away, muttering another song...

_"Mentally ill from Amityville, accidentally kill ya family still......_

That's why this city is filled with a bunch of fuckin' idiots

That's why the first muthafucka poppin' some shit here gets killed

That's why we don't call it Detroit, we call it Amityville

You could get capped out while having a cavity filled

Anzu stared at the retreating Hideaki and asked, "Is he always like that?"

Ryou, Yugi, Malik, Jonu, Seto, Hiroto, and Izumi answered in unison. "Yes."

Isis started unpacking lunch (bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches and soy milk) when Izumi poked her and said, "Mind-reading person. What's my brother thinking, if he is actually thinking?"

"If you knew, you wouldn't be smiling."

Izumi sneezed and muttered something to the effect of 'stupid Pakistani bitch'.

"EGYPTIAN! EGYPTIAN! SAY IT!! E-G-Y-P-T-I-A-N!"

"Egg-whipped."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shukkit: *sneeze* Disclaimer #2: These songs are not mine, for I lack certain talents. All these are from the Marshall Mathers LP by Eminem.

Hideaki: Granola bar.

Shukkit: Aaaaaaw... Sorry Priestess, I know I said this would be up by Saturday, but I wasn't counting on being abducted by aliens posing as my friends (long story)... 


	10. Track Thirteen

Shukkit: I know what I'm gonna do for chapter eleven! I know what I'm gonna do for chapter eleven! And chapter twelve, and thirteen, and-

Hideaki: That's nice. What are you going to do for chapter ten?

Shukkit: Wha-... I... Well, I didn't really think about that...

Hideaki: Let the randomness begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week and a half went by rather smoothly, if you didn't count Hideaki sneaking into the infirmary to steal drugs and the one thousand plus semi-minor explosions heard coming from cabin #9 each morning.

Most people were busy preparing for their presentation, but not Malik. He sulked.

"I didn't learn anything in this goddamn place except that flagpoles make bad sleeping spots and Ryou is a really shitty kisser!" Ryou looked very hurt.

Everyone rolled their eyes. Malik had given this speech three times before. 

"It's not like you're special just because you refuse to do the damn thing," Kaiba said. "Hideaki isn't doing it either." He turned to stare at Hideaki, who was sitting in the corner with his eyes glazed over. He stopped drooling and looked up. "I am too," he defended.

"You can't be! All you do is sit on your sorry ass all day and... and... And _DROOL!_" yelled Yugi. 

Hideaki grinned and started looking around under bunkbeds for some AA batteries. "Whatever, man. I've already got my speech. Aw, crap. My head's stuck under here..." He yanked his red mop of a head out from under Yugi's bunk. What had once been Hideaki's bright red hair had become gray and fluffy from the collection of dust. "I'm gonna impro... Ah, ah.. **KACHOO!** Improvise. Like in Who's Line Is It Anyway. It's an American show."

Suddenly, a short kid wearing a boy scouts uniform (AN: ??) poked his head inside and asked, "Is this cabin nine?"

Hiroto shook his head and replied, "No, it's cabin six; you're upside down!"

"Well, cabin nine is wanted in the auditorium. It's time for the oral presentations."

Jonuochi gulped, but Ryou bounced up and down, yelling, "Yay!! This is going to be _ssoooo_ fun!" His outburst earned him dirty looks from his (somewhat less) normal cabin mates.

So, the seven guys trudged up to the auditorium and waited for the last person from cabin eight to finish speaking. 

"...And that is why I enjoyed Camp... Er, um... Yea, and that is why I enjoyed camp." A small, fat boy quickly waddled off the stage.

"Thank you, thank you. And now... Cabin 9!" boomed a vaguely familiar voice... A vaguely familiar British voice... Belonging to...

"Crawford!?" Everyone gasped, aside from Hideaki, who was busy giggling. 

"Heeeeey... He's got, like... This British accent! Awesome! And he's got an eye missing! Dude!"

Crawford glared, but chose to ignore Hideaki's stupidity. "I think we'll start with...." He looked around the room, resting his eyes on Kaiba. "You."

Kaiba stepped up to the front of the room and began his political tyra-... I mean, speech.

"Camp is a technique to persuade small children..." (AN: _etc_)

Hideaki began to inch out of the room, but Yugi grabbed on to his arm and enquired, "Where are you going?"

"Props, man," Hideaki said. "I gotta get my props."

He traveled outside, searching for something to fulfill his insane fantasies. "Soda can, paper, weird blue shit, trash ca... TRASH CAN!" He bounded over to said trash can and started rummaging through the remnants. 

"Hideaki... Must I even ask what you're doing?" A sneering voice loomed from behind.

Hideaki didn't even bother to turn around, and merely replied, "I gotta do that report thing so I'm looking for a... Ah-_HA!_" He proudly held up an empty beer bottle.

Izumi stared. "What does beer have to do with anything?" she asked.

"Oh, quite a bit. I'm gonna do... Track 13..."

Izumi jerked back and exclaimed, "Disgusting! You sick boy! You- you- you-"

"Thirteen, 'zumi. Not twelve. Thirteen." Izumi looked relieved. "Anyways," he said. "I gotta go be unfashionably late. Be seeing you."

"Yup. Unfortunately."

Hideaki headed back into the auditoriom of horrors, and heard Crawford say, "That's everyone, if Malik isn't going to participate... Can someone go find the inhabitants of cabin 10?" Hideaki stared at Malik, who was being held upside down by his ankles by some anonymous security guard.

"Hey, wait!" yelled Hideaki. "What about me?"

Crawford turned to stare at the offending voice. "Alright then... Let's hear it, Mr... Ah... Do you have a last name?"

Hideaki nodded and said, "Yea, ask my sister. She'll know."

Everyone raised an eyebrow as Hideaki stepped up onstage, empty Miller Light bottle in hand, mentally searching for Track 13...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...


	11. This Is My Love Song

Yes, Lyra, I are. Yes, Heelkiller, it is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hideaki tapped his feet a few times, stared at his beer bottle, and hummed a few notes of who knows what. Crawford cleared his throat and said, "Would you please start?"

"Yea," Malik croaked, "before I lose conciousness would be preferred..."

Hideaki snapped his head up and apologized, sounding extremely nervous. "Oh... Sorry... This is my love song... It goes like this..."

Hiroto and Jonu glanced at each other, all but cracking up.

Hideaki ignored them and continued, but in a much stronger voice, yet still holding on to his empty beer bottle:

_"Back when Mark Walter was Marky Mark,_

This is how we used to make the parties start:

We used to mix in with Bacardi Dark

And when it kicks in you can hardly talk.

And by the sixth gin you're gonna probably crawl

And you'll be sick then and you'll probably barf

And my prediction is you're gonna probably fall

Either somewhere near the lobby or the hallway wall.

And everything's spinnin', you're beginnin' to think 

women are swimmin' in pink linen

Again in the sink, then in a couple o' minutes 

That bottle of Guiness is finished.

You are now allowed to officially slap bitches.

You have the right to remain violent and start a fight

with the guy who was smart-eyein' you.

Get a new car and start drivin' over the island and cause a forty-two car pileup.

Earth calling, pilot to co-pilot:

Looking for life on this planet, sir,

No sign of it

All I can see is a bunch of smoke flying

And I'm so high that I might die if I go by it!

Let me out of this place! I'm out of place

I'm in outer space- I've just vanished without a trace

I'm going to a pretty place now, where the flowers grow

I'll be back in an hour or so...

Cause every time I go to try to leave

Some bitch is pullin' on my sleeve 

I don't want to but I've gotta stay

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

Cause every time I try to tell 'em no

They won't let me ever let 'em go 

I'm gonna say all I gotta say

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

In third grade all I used to do

was sniff glue through a tube and play Rubik's Cube

Seventeen years later I'm as rude as Jude

Scheming on the first chick with the hugest boobs

I got no game and every face looks the same

They got no name, so I don't need a game to play

I just say whatever I want to whoever I want

Whenever I want, where ever I want, however I want!

However, I do show some respect to a few

This ecstasy has got me sittin' next to you,

Getting sentimental as fuck, spilling my guts to you

We just met, but I think I'm in love with you

But you're on it too so you tell me you love me too

Wake up in the morning, like 'WHAT THE FUCK DID WE DO?!

I gotta go, bitch, you know I've got stuff to do

Cause if I get caught cheating, then I'm stuck with you!'

But in the long run, these drugs are probably

gonna catch up sooner or later

But fuck it, we're young once so let's enjoy

Let the X destroy your spinal cord so that it's not a straight line no more

So we walk around looking like some wind up toys

Shit sticking outta our backs like a dinosaur

Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more

So bye for now, I'm off to try and find some more

Cause every time I go to try to leave

Some bitch is pullin' on my sleeve 

I don't want to but I've gotta stay

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

Cause every time I try to tell 'em no

They won't let me ever let 'em go 

I'm gonna say all I gotta say

These drugs have really got a hold on me."

By now, Crawford looked like something (a demon, perhaps) had a hold on _him_. Hideaki payed absolutely no notice. He continued, occasionally blowing in his Miller Light bottle, which created a strange hooting sound.

_(Hoo-oo) "That's the sound of a bottle when it's hollow_

when you swallow it all, wallow and drown in your sorrow" (Hoo-oo)

"And tomorrow you're probably gonna want to do it again

What's a little spinal fluid between you and a friend?

Screw it, and what's a little bit of alcohol poisoning?

And what's a little fight? Tomorrow you'll be boys again

It's your life, live it however you want to

Marijuana is everywhere, where were you brought up?

It doesn't matter as long as you get where you're going

Cause of this shit is gonna mean shit where we're going

They tell you to stop, but you just sit there ignoring

Even though you wake up feeling like shit every morning

But you're young, you've got a lot of drugs to do,

Girls to screw, parties to crash, sucks to be you! 

If I could take it all back now, I wouldn't.

I would have done more shit than people said that I shouldn't!

But I'm all grown up now and upgraded and graduated

To better drugs (they're updated)

But I've still got a lot of growing up to do

I've still got a whole of throwing up to spew!

But when it's all said and done I'll be forty before I know it

with a .40 on the porch tellin' stories

With a bottle of jack and two grandkids in my lap

Babysitting for Haley while Haley's out gettin' smacked!

Cause every time I go to try to leave

Some bitch is pullin' on my sleeve 

I don't want to but I've gotta stay

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

Cause every time I try to tell 'em no

They won't let me ever let 'em go 

I'm gonna say all I gotta say

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

Cause every time I go to try to leave

Some bitch is pullin' on my sleeve 

I don't want to but I've gotta stay

These drugs have really got a hold on me.

Cause every time I try to tell 'em no

They won't let me ever let 'em go 

I'm gonna say all I gotta say

These drugs have really got a hold on me."

Hideaki ended his interesting little rap song, and everyone was silent for a moment. Then four things happened at once. Crawford starting yelling at his security guards, his guards dropped Malik (who was choking) and dove for Hideaki, Jonu and Hiroto started clapping, and Hideaki started yelling something illegible (and probably exceedingly profane) and giving everyone the finger. 

Once said guards had seized Hideaki, Crawford smiled and said, "Take him away and put him somewhere. Preferably a wooden box." He turned to the remaining cabin members and added, "You may return to your cabin, now that you are freed of that inebrieated monstrosity. And please remember to take his luggage when you leave on the bus."

"You're going to let him go home?" asked Malik.

"He's sure as hell not staying here. Now go away."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shukkit: I never want to hear that song again.

Hideaki: I need a potty break.

Shukkit: Go.*falls alseep*


	12. The Exodus: Valentines are CRAP!

Shukkit: Urm... Lyra? Can you come with me for a tad?

Goddess Lyra of the Muffins: *is reading* Nyeeeer.... Mind?

Shukkit: Kay, thanks! *hauls Lyra off to void with Hideaki and Izumi*

Izumi: 'zzat?

Shukkit: Everyone, this is Goddess Lyra of the Muffins. Very good writer, she be (HINT: CHECK OUT HER WRITING). Anyway... I swear on Lyra's life/virginity that I sincerely meant to put chappie 10 and 11 up at the same time.

Lyra: Wait... Why do you get to swear on MY life and, more importantly, MY virginity?!

Hideaki: Come on, everyone knows Shukkit's life is absolutely worthless!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The original six occupants (and remaining) of Cabin #9 returned to their cabin, venturing about Hideaki's fate.

"Do you think Crawford really put him in a box?" Ryou enquired. "That's an awful thing to do!" His remarks earned him wary looks from Kaiba, who was neatly folding his clothes.

Yugi patted him on the pack and said, "It's okay, Ryou. I'm _absolutely sure_ that Hideaki probably might be in one piece." 

Malik cackled and kicked Hideaki's blue duffel bag. "Pah! I know what happened... Crawford took Hideaki down to his secret torture champering and chained him to the wall 'n' tore alllllll his clothes off and started giving him a blow job 'n' Hideaki's all like, 'Faster! Faster! Suck it!' 'n' Crawford gets out a tazer 'n' starts tazering him and Hideaki's all like, "Aaah! ZZZZZT! AAAH! ZZZZZT" 'n' then Crawford butt-rapes him 'n' brainwashes him into thinking his soul was sent to the Shadow Realm or some shit, 'n'... Yep.... That's all..." Yugi and Ryou were positively quivering, due to the fact that their innocence (which they previously had in great multitudes) had been completely stripped away in a space of about thirteen seconds. (A/N: Hmm, now where did I get that? Could it be that game of CORNERS that you played in my house on August sixteenth, 2003?!? *prods friends* Ahem...)

As for Kaiba's reaction, well...

If you've never played ATV2: Offroad Fury, it can hardly be described: there really isn't anything quite like seeing a shitty Ravage Talon hit a moving cement mixer. The rider goes flying, and contorts into some painful positions at random intervals, and the ATV just goes into orbit... Somewhere...?

I really don't think anything else needs to be said...

As Yugi watched Malik go flying, an idea hit him (musta been painful for the little guy). "Aren't there usually fun activities on the last day of camp?" he asked.

Hiroto rolled his eyes and explained, "Yugi, look at it this way: over the last two weeks, we've hung Malik from a flagpole, watched him nearly drown, watched him french Ryou, and we just witnessed Kaiba sending him into orbit. What more fun do we need?"

Kaiba arched an eyebrow, but otherwise ignored him. "Listen, Yugi, I don't think I can stand any more of you or your defective cheerleaders, so I'm going home by jet." He picked up his breifcase and walked out, his trenchcoat billowing.

Jonu poked his head outside and looked around. "How can he do that?" he asked. "HOW?!"

"Do what?"

"The trenchcoat billow! There's no wind! NO WIND!!"

Outside, Crawford picked up a large megaphone with Funny Bunnyª on it, and shouted, "The bus is leaving in FIVE MINUTES. Anyone left beyond will NOT get any of my tea and crumpets!" Jonu and Hiroto were instantaneously propelled foward at the thought of being... 

Crumpet-less...

"Bye, Yugi!"

"Yea, see you at school or something!"

They rushed out the door as fast as two hungry guys with large bags could run.

Ryou finished packing next, and helped Yugi shove all his hair gel into his suitcase. 

"I'll get Hideaki's bag," Ryou said, pointing to the previously neglected blue duffel bag. "Seeing as your own suitcase is bigger than you..."

Yugi nodded and started tugging said suitcase outside towards the bus.

After Ryou and Yugi wedged their luggage into the back of the bus, they entered, only to find that there were only two seats left- and Malik was occupying one of them.

"Wow!" exclaimed Ryou. "I thought you were terminally sent into orbit!"

Malik said nothing. Instead, he glared and pointed at the ceiling of the bus, which had a Malik-sized and Malik-shaped hole in it. 

Yugi raised his eyebrows and scrunched closer to Ryou, not wanting to be near the first person involuntarily sent in sent into space...

The twenty-hour bus ride home had begun...

~~

Shukkit: Nyeeer... Woulda had it up this morning, but we ended up in San Dimas... And I didn't even see Nerdspy...

Izumi: Isn't it sorta of WRONG, talking to an 18-year-old guy on Valentine's Day?

Hideaki: How do you KNOW he's 18? And-

Shukkit: Oh, shut up. Nyeeeer. *grabs Lyra* I need to talk to you, but my email isn't working. If you're reading this on 8/15, call me at my dad's. If it's on 8/16, my mum's. If it's after 8/16, dun bother. 


	13. My Apologies

Shukkit: Dear God... I am really sorry... I can't really write anymore... Jeezus....

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: What the fuck does that mean?

Shukkit: I had to go see [another] psychologist, and she put me on Concerta, 'cept it's a stronger dose. It makes me sullen, irratable, and, worst of all- boring. It's also given me some weird paranoia (and I don't mean the Black Sabbath CD...), so I'm pretty much back to sleeping in the bathroom. Only thing is, theres a window in the bathroom, and no locks on the doors. And the shower curtain- for all I know, there's someone dangerous hiding behind it. Every time someone opens the door, I have to fight the urge to bolt myself in a small, well-lit room, and--

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: Okay, we get it... Please shut up.

Shukkit: 'Kay... Anyways, I swear I'll start writing more in the summer.

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: And what are you going to do for the rest of seventh grade, huh? Sit on your lazy ass and play .hack//?

Shukkit: Sometimes. I'm gonna revise the previous twelve chapters. You know, make 'em longer, more detail...

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: And fix that weird impediment with the quotes and the punctuation?

Shukkit: I'll make sure to fix the spelingg, the punct;-uatio/n, and I'll make sure there ain't no bad grammar, neither.

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: That was a bad joke.

Shukkit: I know. Anyways, thank you all for reading, and hopefully being patient. I know you hate me and my writing sucks, but-

Hideaki, self-proclaimed spokesperson of readers: Stop it. You sound like Fred Gallagher. (Buy the new Hate Me Piro doll! He says one-hundred and forty-eight phrases, including "My art sucks", "Seraphim hates me", and "I'm a terrible person!" Proven to increase the suicide rate by 200%!)

Shukkit: So... Yea... check for the REAL chapter thirteen in two months...

Hideaki: Now that that's over with, wanna play some .hack//Outbreak?

Shukkit: Sounds good to me... Hey, what kind of consience are you, anyway?!

Hideaki: I'm not your consience, I'm a voice in your head that tells you to burn things. THEY are your consiences...

Naka: I am a rotting zombie with green hair! HUG ME!

Ei: Woooo... My skin is gray...

Shukkit: -_-


End file.
